Three Orange Whips
by Cazcatharsis
Summary: yeah, the damn song meme. Rated for lots of bad language and semi-SC, angst, bad humour and oocness. Beware my horrid drabblage. I needed the practice.
1. Chapter 1

_You know the meme. It was some sorta meme where you shuffle your music and write to the song that's playing, and stop when it's over, finished or not._

_I did it, but I can't leave them unfinished. So I'd finish the sentences and fix the spelling. That's it. LOL. And they suck. I hate drabbles. I was also stoned out of my tree from painkillers and flu meds when I did these... _

_Some of it's in OLOBA universe, some not. I just went with what came outta my fingers._

* * *

**Going Down - Motorhead**

Ratchet switched on the stereo again once the Med Bay was empty and blasted the song at top volume once he was sure everyone was far enough not to feel the bass vibration.

"_You can't mess with Dr Rock! So don't you even try!"_

His big head bobbed as he speed-cleaned the tables and sorted his tools, tapping his feet and singing aloud when the chorus came up again, using his favourite wrench and a good big pair of pliers to drum on the now clean shining table and bang his head like he'd seen the humans do on the YouTube videos.

He of course didn't notice the small video camera held by a delicate brown human hand or the wide white grin of the owner.

"You gettin' this?" Whispered the sleek silver mech lying next to her, annoyed that he couldn't see through the crack in the wall but thrilled that _someone_ could.

"Got it. Shhh."

Jazz shushed. If he got Mikaela caught he'd never get a copy.

* * *

**Rape Me – Nirvana**

"This guy pretty much formed my entire generation."

"Explains a lot." Muttered one sarcastic mech.

"It sounds like he has a few psychological problems." Said another, listening to the lyrics and pondering the meanings.

"Smart ass," Maggie chucked a sock at the yellow and black Bot. "And it's '_had_'. He killed himself."

"I stand corrected. And you give this creature credit for forming your generation?"

"He had a hand in it, for sure."

"We should tighten our guard on our humans. And keep them away from firearms." Ratchet announced once he'd read exactly HOW Cobain died.

* * *

**War within a breath – rage against the machine**

He'd watched as Cybertron fell.

Everything changed within a day, from relative normalcy to explosions and death, slavery and torture, hiding, keeping silent in fear of punishment, sniping, dodging, yelling, protest, then finally, the warzone dance and the twists of dying faces and splashes of blood not only on the ground but on HIM. On his hands.

And as the fear and battle rolled over his planet he stood in the middle of it all, surveying it, watching as his closest friends were captured or destroyed, and didn't say anything. He knew now he was a follower, and followers did not, _could not_, protest against the leader, for fear of treasonous accusations and eventual execution. Be silent and obedient or be dead.

* * *

**Something I can never have. – Nine Inch Nails**

It was ridiculous. SHE was ridiculous.

Even as she lay on the beach, with the sun burning down on her and the beautiful sounds of the ocean splashing and bashing the rocks not ten feet away from her, the only thing she could focus on was the delicious curve of a thigh and weirdly enough the expanse of windows on his chest.

For God's Sake, she was addicted to his _windows_.

More than once over the past couple of weeks she'd had to wonder at her own mental stability, having a crush, a lust for something, well, someone like him. In her field, sure, the guys were mostly geeky and held no interest for her, but HIM, He was… out there. New. And she wanted him.

But that was never ever going to happen. For one thing, well, it would be… she snorted to herself… in his point of view, she supposed it would be something akin to bestiality. How unflattering is that? Then there's the fact he was about 22 feet taller than her, was the big heroic leader of a race of aliens, and likely wouldn't stay around here more than they had to now that the war was semi-officially over.

Maggie tugged at a piece of stray curly blonde hair and sighed. _I'm a fool. But goddamn Prime's hot!_

* * *

**Woo Hoo – The 5678's**

"Can one human really do all that?"

Sam shrugged. Probably. But then again, this IS a movie."

"But 88 of em?"

"Anything's possible"

Bee sighed dreamily. "She definitely knows how to dress."

* * *

**Terror – KMFDM**

Prime listened in to Malena's car stereo as she cruised happily beside him, singing along to the lyrics, and was surprised to hear and understand what they were saying.

An entire species apart and war was still war. Concepts and ideas were the same, methods and propaganda ran along the same line.

"_Handcuffs and shackles won't frighten us._

_Neither cattle prod nor electrical whip will silence us._

_We shall use all peaceful means to overcome tyranny._

_Persist and march on._

_They can't use our shame against us,_

_regardless of race, social status or gender._

_We're all affected."_

He remembered a long long time ago when the war was just a whisper in the wind and the Council was still debating over how to deal with the rebels, he'd heard one Mech on the street say something almost exactly like this… then ten minutes later get dragged off by what would be equivalent to the human secret police, and the crowd that had previously surrounded him quietly disperse. Prime never did find out what happened to that mech but he remembered that it had scared the slag out of him that the Council, the one he technically worked for and worked for him would stoop to such levels to keep the rumours off the streets and the people subdued… and it was the first time he really did sympathize with the 'other side'… was he on the side of right after all?

* * *

**Religion Lovelace a go go mix – Front 242**

"What the Pit are you listening to?!"

Mikaela stopped dancing around her kitchen and looked at her guardian guiltily.

"_Your clitoris! It's down in the bottom of your throat!"_

Jazz frowned. "I'm waiting."

"Ummm."

"_Have you ever taken a penis all the way down to the bottom of your throat?"_

Jazz's eyes widened.

"_No. I've tried but I choke!"_

Mikaela's lips twitched.

* * *

**Sparkle and Shine – Econoline Crush**

This was one of the few times Sam wished Bee was a convertible. With the song blasting around him and the windows down, the wind felt wonderful in his hair and the vibration of his best friend all around him gave him such a feeling of freedom and fun that he could almost scream with the pure joy of it… and it would be so much more fun if he could stand up and throw his arms out wide to the winds like he wanted to. It just wouldn't be the same half hanging out his window…

He knew Bee felt the same way… not the ragtop part of course, but that feeling of freedom and the wind caressing his armour as he went at least 40 miles an hour over the speed limit on a straightaway, something he'd wanted to do with his new best friend since he landed on earth, for a reason OTHER than having the Decepticons on his ass and the world to save. They had the entire summer together now, and there was nothing to stop them now.

It was nearly euphoric when Bee kicked it up another notch and the entire frame shook as he went up another ten miles an hour, and this time Sam _did_ holler and hang on tight, grinning.

* * *

**The Rain Song – Led Zeppelin**

The fire crackled and popped, and Glen leaped about a foot in the air when a spark landed on his thigh, emitting such a girlie sound that the other guys around hooted and the girls outright laughed at him.

"Oh haha, yeah, you laugh when it's YOUR balls gettin' singed!"

"Relax you freak. Here, have another one." Maggie waved off Glen's whining protests and handed him another frosty one, then leaned back and took the joint from Epps.

Mikaela and Sam were off to the side nursing a couple of beers themselves, guiltily yet at the same time, joyous. Here they were, a couple of teenagers, hanging around a bunch of hardcore military types and two geniuses, watching them get stoned off their asses, without the Autobots around to nag them all.

Maggie passed the doob along to Sarah, who in turn offered it to Judy, who, surprising the shit out of Sam, bitched about the low quality of today's crop but took a few hits anyway. Seeing the wide eyed look on her son's face, Judy began to giggle, then offered the doob to _him_.

"MOM!"

"Well, better get your first time over with here with me then at some drugged up house party with a bunch of slutty blondes."

Maggie growled. "Oi!"

"Not you, dear. You have a brain in your skull."

Sam refused the weed but appreciated the offer. Though it was strange, it was kind of cool to see the more relaxed side to his mother.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Demon Days – Gorillaz**

The sun felt absolutely glorious on her arm and chest, sending that warm tingling sensation through her entire body, and coupled with the wind that ruffled her hair and the music Prime had blaring out through his ass-kicking stereo, it made for a wonderful ride.

They weren't even going very fast, it was more a pleasant cruise than the speed-freak thing that Bee and Jazz liked to do. At this speed Mikaela could watch the greenery pass and hear the giggles of the children playing in the nearby park. She could smell the grass.

The simplicity and… peacefulness of the whole thing was just so different than what she was used to. It seemed, well, very Prime-like, even if the music wasn't. Chilling out and observing, gliding, immersed in watching what they were both fighting for.

* * *

**Orgasmatron - Motorhead**

Megatron liked to see himself as a ladies' bot. Sure, he was leader of a massive army who had the reputation of ruthlessness in getting what they wanted, and in turning people to their point of view through torture, but that seemed to only help, not hinder, his sexual exploits. There were plenty of femmes out there who liked it a little rough.

But this one was frightening him.

He'd never say it, or even loudly think it, but this one… she was worse than him!

As soon as she had him in her quarters she'd locked the door with a flourished kick to the lock, then pounced him. He barely withheld an effeminate scream as she knocked him off his feet and rose above him holding… oh my primus, was that chain?

"Naughty Megatron… Looks like I'm going to have to teach you a lesson."

He quickly found himself bound to her bed, both scared slagless and unbelievably turned on.

The femme smiled down at the splayed and exposed mighty Leader, and purred.

"Now… say my name…" Her fingers caressed circuitry only his medic had touched, and he howled.

"Elita!!"

* * *

**Don't Follow - Alice in Chains**

It was one of those half cloudy half moonlit nights, and yet again he was by a campfire, but this time it was only him and Ironhide.

In the aftermath of yet another battle, the two war-torn males sat together in silence, drinking whatever would get them drunk and staring into the fire.

Will couldn't take the silence after an hour of hearing crickets and the fire crackle and the occasional sigh from his twenty foot guardian.

"Hide?"

grumble

"You okay?"

grumblesnort

"What's wrong?"

Ironhide shifted, cracking the log he was sitting on in half.

Will smirked. "Besides now having splinters in your ass?"

Ironhide glared at him a moment. "Thinking about home."

Will shut up and nodded.

* * *

**Koko Taylor / BB King – Blues Hotel**

On Judy and Ron's 20th anniversary the whole group of Autobots and humans got together at a local Blues club. Naturally, only the Autobots with fully functional holos were allowed to come, it wouldn't do to have them flicker out in the middle of doing the Boogaloo.

Judy and Ron spent most of the night dancing the night away, getting more than a little drunk on the fine beer and whisky the bartender handed off to them, some rounds for free in honour of their special day (and for bringing in a whole hell of a lot of clients on a slower night), while Sam and Mikaela danced together awkwardly and sipped Coke, watching as the Autobots were swept up by the local females to dance dirty and swing around like they'd never done before.

It was wonderful to watch, and out of them all, Jazz, and surprisingly Ironhide were the best out of the seven Bots in the room. Jazz, he had a small harem of earth women at his feet, that was no shock, his holo was, in human terms, scrumptious, and the 'man' moved like butterscotch.

Ironhide though, he had two women on his arms, and they took turns up on the dance floor with him, steadily plying him with alcohol and thoroughly enjoying it when he'd pick them up by the waist and swing em around. The Bot found rhythm he never knew he had, and that night he put it to good use.

* * *

**Goneja – Skinny Puppy (oh hell)**

Once again Prime got stuck listening in on Malena's music as they cruised on the highway, this time to a not-so-jovial occasion, and her music was much slower than her usual fare. The electronic voice of the presumably male 'singer' was so distorted Prime had trouble picking it up properly, but what lyrics he could understand were… in a way incomprehensible. It took him an hour after the song ended for him to interpret every word and a little longer for him to make any sense at all out of it.

The convoy pulled over half an hour after Prime gave up on understanding the dismembered lyrics and just sat there frustrated. The irritable hissing of his breaks and a small huff of smoke from his pipes unfortunately drew Malena's attention.

"Who stuffed what up your tailpipe, Legs?"

_Again with the nickname…_ "Nothing is up my tailpipe."

"Horseshit."

"…"

"It's a figure of speech big guy. What's eatin' you?"

Prime decided a retaliatory smart-assery was in order. "Rust."

She kicked his right tire. "I mean what's wrong, buckethead."

_Buckethead?_ "I cannot seem to understand the point of the lyrics of the song you listened to at 2:37 pm."

The small human female cocked her head, smirked, and checked her little mp3 player. "OH! Oh. Shit, man, I don't either and I've been listenin' to his stuff since I was 12. Ogre's music is pretty abstract. Ya need a translator sometimes to get what he's sayin'. If you wanna learn Ogre-speak, try 'Smothered Hope' instead; start with the easier ramblings before you get to the real quirky shit. It's like learning another language through immersion."

* * *

**Bionic Chronic – Fear Factory (fuckin 32 second song!)**

_If there was gonna be a stoner Bot amongst them all, it would be Beachcomber_, Jazz reflected as he watched the army boys light up another doob and laughed at the image of his buddy sittin' there smoking a waterbong.

* * *

**WWIII – KMFDM** (oh goddamn it, the beginning makes me giggle)

Mikaela was in a particularly bad mood today, and Bee somehow knew exactly how to make her grin. He put on a song with slamming base and a lot of screaming rebellion and drove fast enough to make soccer mom's squeal.

She'd flunked a relatively easy examination in Law and suspected her teacher was just being a prick. Trent and his rich butt-boys decided to slam on Sam again in the hallway between classes, and called her trailer trash. She saw one of the cheerleaders get particularly nasty to a drama club girl and nobody but Mikaela stood up for her. Naturally it was Mikaela who got into trouble, and the cheerleader walked away triumphant.

Since when was standing up for someone a crime? When had she finally realized that the world she had been immersed in before she'd met the Autobots was just… stupid? Why was the aesthetically pleasing more important than the intelligent? Why didn't that drama girl fucking stand up for herself?

She had momentarily considered dropping out of school and saying 'to hell with the lot of you'. It would do the world good to have their moronic conceptions rejected. She didn't need indoctrination, and she really regretted the years she kept her mouth shut.

And goddamn Bee was encouraging her!

* * *

**Jar of Dirt song – Captain Neon**

"This is the most ridiculous movie I've ever seen."

Sam smirked.

"I mean, a submersible ship inhabited by a squid man with no heart and crewed by undead crustacean people? You humans have strange imaginations."

"Yeah, But you gotta love Jack."

"He's the worst of them all! A complete lunatic!" The mech pointed at the screen as Jack fell down the stairs and proclaimed quite loudly and annoyingly that he had a jar of dirt.

Sam laughed hard. Leave it to Prowl to try to analyze Sparrow and come up short.

* * *

**Live With Me – Massive Attack**

Maggie finally got the chance to play with those legs.

Sort of.

Prime sat there in truck-mode as Maggie and Mikaela scrubbed his giant body down with soapy sponges, working up a sweat when they got to the hitch area. It was the dirtiest part of him right now and Maggie knew damn well this part of him turned into his legs in his bi-pedal mode.

So she put extra work into it, letting herself run fingers and sponge into creases and pretending this was more a sensual massage than a clinical washing. She was allowed, she told herself. She'd had to stare at those fine legs for months and if this was the only way she was allowed to touch, so be it.

It didn't help when once in a while Prime would let out a small sigh of contentment or she felt the metal beneath her fingers tremble.

* * *

_I couldn't resist that 'buckethead' thing. I read it in a fic recently and I giggled. :D I just love envisioning Prowl face-palming at that scene in Dead Man's Chest…_


	3. Chapter 3

Three Orange Whips 3

_Because I had no motivation to write anything else, and because I'm in a musicy mood, and because it's called three orange whips and only had two chapters._

_And I'm not stoned!_

_Ps: here's a question… since when does FF consider 'slag' a cuss word?! I've seen it in replies starred out like someone's saying shit and fuck! Whisky Tango Foxtrot, man!_

* * *

**Cyberdyne – Fear Factory**

"Okay, now that's just a million kinds of wrong."

"What?"

"Dude, he's even got a penis!"

"So?"

Jazz couldn't understand it. Why didn't the Governator just use a hologram? Maybe he needed to rewind it and watch it again. But he really didn't want to watch that thing again, walkin' around with skin AND metal, bleeding human blood with the eyes of a Decepticon and almost as scary as Barricade. Frankly, he couldn't understand why Mikaela liked that movie so much.

"Reese. He's hot."

Oh.

He visibly cringed when the cyborg was slowly crushed under that compressor thing, but had to wonder what the movies human authority figures would think finding that metal/skeletal hand lyin' there.

* * *

**Why are People Like That? – Muddy Waters**

Mikaela couldn't help but laugh, here she was, chillin' out at home, listening to the blues when Muddy Waters came on and started bitching about people acting like assholes. Boy, was he right about the world sometimes. She looked around at the peeling paint of her room and the eviction notice her mom tried to hide from her, and shuddered. "_They'll take the shirt offa your back,_" damn straight, man. Too bad fixing Autobots didn't pay.

_Shit, I'd do it for free even if they offered_.

She tucked the paper under her bed, vowing they'd never find out. Last thing she wanted was pity.

* * *

**As It Fades – VNV Nation **_**(this song actually made me cry once… and I played it twice so I could get the whole damn thing down cause it's too short.)**_

There hadn't been a gathering this large in, well, the history of the planet earth. People of all nations, from Presidents and Dictators and Sheiks to religious figures, including the Dalai Lama and the current Pope, all the way down to 'some dude' that begged for change and the single mother with four kids, all together for one purpose this day.

Mourning.

Sam, now 47 and balding horribly, couldn't help but smile at the attendance. Prime was so loved, so well respected and so awe-inspiring, yet modest about it all, and all these people from places he hadn't even heard of before were here to remember and praise him and cry for him.

He heard people sobbing, people laughing at things Prime did or said over the years that seemed so uncharacteristic but appealing, he heard others telling stories about how he saved their lives, or changed their lives, or simply said hello to them when nobody else seemed to notice their existence.

Prime noticed everyone equally, and treated them as such. Nobody on earth could be said the same of.

Sam wandered away from the human crowd and off into the nearby trees, where he could be alone and cry in peace.

He wished Ironhide were here to see this. Ironhide had initially been disgusted by how humans were so scattered and 'primitive' and violent, never agreeing on anything.

He was right in a way. It took the death of Optimus Prime, in defence of a very small child in a very small African village for the world to finally unite and work for peace.

_(two plays and I still couldn't finish it, or get the right damn atmosphere I wanted. Drat. Fuck it. And don't ask how he died, I have no idea.)_

* * *

**Piano Concerto in E Flat (II. Andantino) – Mozart**

Ironhide used giant fingers to nimbly turn the volume knob up higher, and leaned back with a satisfied grunt when the delicate piano and the more boisterous violins tickled his audio sensors. Quietly, he plucked up a rag and resumed his polishing, taking extra-careful steps to smooth away smudges, tweak things here and there, let them whirr and click (but not loud enough to drown out the music), and tinker until they functioned flawlessly.

Little did he know he had an audience. A young human male stood at the doorway, peering through the crack, eyes wide and jaw dropped, cell phone camera in hand, floored when the giant gun-wielding maniac started waving his rag-hand around like a conductor in front of a symphony.

* * *

**Jesus Built My Hotrod (Update Mix) – Ministry (I swear this was random)**

Will's blood rushed like fire through his veins. The powerful engine and the even more powerful robot in charge of that engine roared beneath him and sped past dozens of other vehicles, Will barely able to contain his glee as he gripped the steering wheel hard and manically glared out the windows to see the other drivers fall back in shock.

"Faster?" Came the calm, measured voice from everywhere in the cab. Will heard a hint of manic glee in that voice as well, and didn't feel quite so crazy knowing his Autobot buddy was having just as much fun, if not more. He just knew how to cover it better than Will did.

"Faster, Prime. Blow these amateurs outta the water."

He didn't think it was possible, really, but Prime shifted his own gears and went _even faster_ and the jolt made Lennox glad for the racing belts Ratchet had installed just for this purpose. Nobody dreamed Prime would get addicted to racing, as big and noble as he was, but after enough NASCAR and other races on TV, YouTube videos of Truck Racing, and general yabbering from the human populace, Prime got interested…. And now he couldn't, _wouldn't_, stop. And worse, he roped Will into 'driving' him.

* * *

**Queen Bee – Koko Taylor**

Mikaela didn't know what possessed Bumblebee to play this song, but she didn't say a thing. She'd never do it. It was too much fun imagining Bumblebee, in full robot mode, cross dressed in some oversized evening gown and a curly black wig, singing about 'buzzin' allll night long'. And he played the song daily, so every day Mikaela got new images to entertain her.

One day while they were on a 'for the fuck of it' cruise, he played it again, and Mikaela got this disturbing image of him pulling Ratchet into a closet and singing 'together we can make honey like the world's never seen" and almost spewed her triple espresso all over the dashboard, coughing as the rest of it went down the wrong pipe.

Bee put on the brakes, skidding through the rocky sand and asked if she was alright. Mikaela wiped at her chin with a napkin, still choking on her giggles, and assured him she was fine.

* * *

**Black Betty – Spiderbait**

The Race was on.

Bets ran throughout the base, Bots and humans exchanging currency of various sorts, cheering on the participants, and general chaos was ignored for the twenty minutes the race would take.

Bumblebee, Ratchet, Mikaela and Glen sat cross-legged (or as cross-legged as they could) in front of the Xbox Sam managed to dig up, already squinty-eyed in concentration as they manipulated the vehicles of their choice through the darkened city streets, drifting, spinning, ramming into each other and growling curses as one or the other moved into the lead.

Out of all the betters, Prime was the most anxious. He'd bet Ironhide a week off and a barrel of his own secret stash of high grade, and a confession to Maggie in this race, and he was counting on Mikaela to win. There was no way he was ready to confront the possible wrath of the blonde if she did not reciprocate. Ironhide was cheering on Bumblebee, and had his own stash of high grade and a full weapons cleaning for Prime riding on this.

_(pissflaps, song's too short)_

* * *

**Mustang Sally – Buddy Guy**

The black and white Decepticon rolled through the desert, purring contentedly as his two passengers chattered in his interior, unknowingly prodding and caressing sensitive leather and brushing his gear-shifter and emergency brakes. He couldn't be more content. Frenzy was alive, and he'd found a human worthy of his time and effort to travel with. It… no, she, wasn't annoying, didn't leave litter in his interior, didn't have a screechy voice, and seemed to know when he wanted quiet, understood his need to do violence once in a while, and never, EVER preached to him. Even Frenzy liked her. She played chess with him and fed him Red Bull.

In return, Barricade kept her safe and on the road. When they'd first met she was hitchhiking, and he'd tried to hit her. When she got up off the road and pelted him with rocks, he nearly blasted her. But even when he transformed, she continued to throw rocks at him and cuss him out. He couldn't destroy bravery/stupidity like that, and took her with him. After two days of internal abuse from her shoes and nails, she talked to him. He surprised himself by talking back. After a week they'd become allies, another week and they'd become friends.

Now he'd do anything just to see that smile and feel her skin against his leather.

He'd become soft, and he didn't care. He was content.

_(Blegh)_

* * *

**Wish You Were Here – Pink Floyd**

Ratchet settled on a rock near Ironhide and handed him a barrel of high grade, grunting out a greeting to the others as he made himself more comfortable.

The humans of the group had already dug into their second stash of 'beer' and had relaxed immensely, feet up on rocks or logs, or leaned back on their elbows to watch the stars or talk directly to one of the taller Autobots. Ratchet's own charge, Fig, still had his leg in a cast and had it perched atop a plastic lawn chair while the rest of his body was flat on a blanket, and he waved lazily at his guardian with a smile. Ratchet waved back.

Boisterous laughter sounded from the other side of the campfire, drawing Ratchet's attention, and there he saw Prime and Epps, Glen and Bumblebee playing a game of 'Bullshit'. As a medical officer even Ratchet had trouble not blowing his circuits trying to figure out how Prime held those tiny cards in his big blunt fingers and still see them good enough, never mind the fact that the Leader of the Autobots was winning a game based on _lying_. Ratchet just shook his head and downed his barrel in one shot, determined not to be left behind.

_Okay fuck it I'm done. LOL_


End file.
